- In the first weeks, she's healing and feeding around the clock, so she can only do so much. This is your time to step up: meals, dishes, laundry, trash, pets, groceries.
- You're the gatekeeper. Visitors come when she wants them, stay short, and help.
- Don't wait to be asked. Notice what needs doing, and do it.
Keep everyone fed
- Say yes to a meal train, and be the one who organizes it.
- Stock one-handed food she can eat while feeding: granola bars, nuts, cheese sticks, fruit, wraps, trail mix.
- Make breakfast before you leave for work. Leave lunch in the fridge where she can see it.
Fill the gaps
Look around for what's slipping, and pick it up before she has to ask. The usual gaps:
- Laundry: baby clothes, burp cloths, and her clothes.
- Dishes, bottles, and pump parts.
- Trash and diaper pail.
- Pets, older kids, and errands.
- The calendar: her postpartum checkup, baby's pediatrician visits, and insurance paperwork.
Being the friendly bouncer
Everyone wants to meet the baby. Your job is to make sure it happens on her terms.
- Agree with her ahead of time on who can visit, when, and for how long.
- Visitors should be healthy and up to date on vaccines your pediatrician recommends, and wash their hands.
- Give helpful visitors a job: fold laundry, walk the dog, bring dinner.
- You get to be the bad guy: "She's resting. Can we do Thursday instead?"
- Watch for her signal that she's done, and wrap it up.
Your leave
If you have paternity or family leave, take it. All of it, if you can. The first weeks are when she needs you most. If you're back at work, make your evenings and weekends count: take over the second you walk in the door, and protect her sleep.