- Specific praise beats general praise. Tell her exactly what she's doing well.
- Offer specific help instead of "let me know if you need anything."
- Listen first. Fix later, if at all.
Say these, often
- "You're doing an amazing job. I watched you calm the baby down. You're really good at this."
- "I've got the baby. Go sleep, shower, or do nothing. Your choice."
- "What do you need right now?"
- "I'm proud of you."
- "It's okay that this is hard. It's hard for everyone."
- "You don't have to do it all. That's what I'm here for."
Skip these
- "Let me know if you need anything." (She has to manage you. Just do something.)
- "Are you sure the baby's getting enough?" (Ask an expert together instead.)
- "I'm so tired too." (You may be. Save it for later.)
- "When will you be back to normal?" (Her body and life just changed. There's no deadline.)
- "Maybe you're doing it wrong."
When she's struggling
Sit with her. Ask, then listen without trying to solve it. Sometimes the most helpful thing is to say "that sounds really hard" and take the baby so she can cry, shower, or sleep. If the hard days stretch past two weeks, read Baby blues, and beyond.